Sunday, March 14, 2010

SOS #3 Bull!

The continuing saga of Soap Opera Sayings played out in the little drama I like to call my life.
We're taking a look at how an early teenage obsession with soap operas has made it ...an interesting undoing of knots for the Lord to work out in my life.
--
I had just come back home from a painful experience in another city. It was the first time I had lived on my own. And albeit a short stay, it was life altering.
I didn't go into the situation with my eyes open...even though I was warned.
Numerous times.
I was young and thought myself invincible to these things.
I was wrong.
I came home closed and hardened. I was bitter and hurt and confused.
I didn't want to trust people or believe good about anyone again.

My sister, Ames, was a good listener.
But after three months of listening to me wallow she said, "Enough's enough. If you start one more sentence with, 'When I was in Wisconsin...' I'm going to have to drop kick you."
Then she proceeded to tell me that whenever I talked about Wisconsin, I looked to a faraway place in the sky and I acted as though a veil was lowered over my head that was made out of melancholy putridness.
I would insist that it was melancholy putridness and it deserved to have me behave in such a dramatic way.
To which she responded with an arched eyebrow.
Which is soap opera speak for one of three things:
1) What did you just say?
2) Does anyone know my next line? or
3)Are you trying to make me eat cow paddies and call it truth?

"Bull!" she said.
And my lower lip quivered.
Ames told me that I had to stop shutting everyone out and acting like no one mattered to me. She told me I was so focused on my own hurt that I couldn't see other people were walking equally as wounded.
"What's your problem? Why won't you let people in? And using your experience in Wisconsin doesn't count as an answer."
Well, I was desperate and really dumb, so I said:
"Everyone I get close to...dies."

Yep. I said that. Incredulously pathetic, non?

My sister gave me the look which is soap opera speak for one of three things:
1)I'm going to kidnap your baby
2)I'm going to cut the brake lines to your car or
3)I can't believe you just tried to play that card. That's incredulously pathetic.

"Who?"
"What?" I said.
"Who? Who is close to you that has died?"
I stared at my toes realizing how absolutely desperate and stupid my excuse sounded. "Um..."
"Who do you mean--Dad? We agreed we would never use his death as a crutch, so you wouldn't use him, right? and who else? Oh...right...Grandma. " She paused for effect. "Who was 92 when she passed away. 92, Al! Give me a break. And guess what? I lost those people too. But you can't see that because you are like a pig sitting in self-pity mud, just sniffing and snorting about how hurt you are. And the whole time you are doing that, you can't see that everyone who is close to you...me, Jess, Lors, and Mom aren't allowed in. Don't you see how stupid this is?"

It was then that I knew I had an opportunity, so I looked off into the distance which is soap opera speak for one of these things:
1) Give one of the most dramatic fights with my sister that would even rival this one
2)Start crying and go on about the so-called injustices of my past
3) I could open my eyes and see how stupid I was being and ask Jesus and my sister for their help

Any guess as to which one I chose?




2 comments:

the lady of the house said...

You're amazing - I love these S.O.S posts. They are awesome! He's using you through this blog Missy. ((hugs)) sj

Camie said...

AWE! I totally teared up and got goose bumps! Bless you dear girl!

oxoxo

Camie