Sunday, October 28, 2007

conglomeration of thoughts

Just some thoughts running through my head.
In many ways, I can mark the day that childhood innocence left me. Some people have their innoncence taken from them. Some have moments were they unknowingly release it like a firefly once cupped in their hands. Some run into that moment with expectation and some meet it when they least expect it. I met it on October 27th 1990.
That day represents more to me than the day that my father died. It has a two-edged meaning for me.
I'm trying to write this without sounding dramatic or without evoking pitying responses, but it's hard to know how to put it into words that will help a reader understand what I'm trying to say. So, I'm just going to say it and let the words break and fall where they may.
My father was blue when I found him. Was he still alive? Could he hear me? Did he worry that his little girl found him and he was unable to help, unable to protect as he had so many times before? These are all questions that I've asked, looked at, polished and then placed in God's hand. Sometimes I pick them up and look at them, but for the most part I've given them to Him because I know "He is able to keep them until that day."
Childhood, for me, ended like a blast of cold water being thrown on my face. There was no option for a different course. The wonder of childhood; the soft roundness of amazement and imagination; the doughy, warm smells of contentment all vanished the moment I crept up to my father's body and peered at his bluish, gray face. There was no going back. Childhood had ended.
Surprisingly, at that exact same moment, I found myself in a greater adventure. An adventure that superseded the panic that surfaced and the fear that wrapped itself around me in that moment.
At that exact minute, I became aware of God's presence. The all-consuming, comforting and gentle Presence of the Lord. Peace invaded my panic, love burnt up my fear and the unmistakable knowledge that I was not abandoned became seeded in my heart.
Knowing you, Jesus
Knowing you
There is no greater thing
You're my Lord, you're the best
You're my joy, my righteousness
And I love you
It was a few years later when I heard Corrie Ten boom's words about living in the concentration camp and losing all her family; these words finally put all of my heart's understanding about God's love for me into one simple phrase: "There is no pit too deep, that He is not deeper still."
October 27th 1990 is the day that my childhood ended and it was the day I was swallowed up by the vastless, warm ocean of God's love.
Today feels like a good day to go surfing.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

So wanting some of Jamie Oliver's chocolate pots with Mars bars sauce!

It's the last day of my cleanse. For the past ten days I have drank only water and a concoction made out of maple syrup, cayenne pepper and lemon. Oh, and let's not forget the morning drink of water and sea salt to flush the toxins out.
Well, now that I am so close to done, all I can think about is food. I'm dreaming of:
cheese smothered pasta (any kind)
crostini's caked with cream cheese and pesto
Ritva crackers with avocado and cheese
my grandmother's blueberry pie
my mother's food-all of it
Lucy H's cabbage rolls
my spring rolls
My bro in law's meatballs
My grandfather's oatmeal
Well-done Pancakes from the Hoito
My sister's cheesecake
My sister in law, Angela's, chili
My oatmeal bake
lemon loaf
saucy chicken with parmesan reggiano
Heather's cookies
Lois' anything--the woman can cook
Someone feed me!!!!!
The sad truth is that my stomach has shrunk and now I have to slowly and painstakingly re-itnroduce food to my body.
In four days from now I will be living! I will be thriving! Because I will be eating!

(pics from Jamie Oliver's website)

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Sharks have the ability to smell 40x more than me...

...although, after today I beg to differ.
I am on a cleanse. It's a ten day cleanse where you clean out your body of toxins.My friend warned me before I started. "Hols, the only downfall about the whole thing is how powerful your sense of smell becomes." No kidding.
My nostrils are hoover vacuums taking in the wonderful, mouthwatering aromas of food. Every smell is now keen and clear, fragrant and delicious. It's like falling in love all over again--suddenly the world is a brand new place.
Well, back to my lemon-maple syrup-cayenne pepper concoction.

Friday, October 12, 2007

I can't believe I found this clip!

This is a great depiction of comedy. Take notes!

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Thank you for Freedom!

My family is looking to adopt a soldier in Afghanistan to write to and encourage and THANK.
The website is getting people in touch with the injured soldiers. Please visit the site.
Watch the song. Hauntingly beautiful.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007


"Come back to me."
He ran his fingers across the words stamped into the page. It was only an email, but the words felt alive to his touch.
He sighed, laying back on his bunk and staring at the matress rings above him.
He wanted to go back. Every moment he felt the tug of her love calling to him, pulling him. He squeezed his eyes shut and thought about her face rather than the violence he had seen that day. He wanted to remember the smell of summer in her hair rather than the gritty roar of the convoy trucks, the shrieks of the Afghani people running to hide from the spray of bullets, the tidal wave of fear he had to push aside as he worked with the other medics to save the victims.
He could see her face, smiling at him. Her green eyes looking steady at his. He let his memories of her wash over him like a wave reconciling with the shore. This was his solace.
But even his solace pulled at him...calling him home. He wanted to go, and he wanted to stay. He needed to stay. It was the right place for him to be. If he left now, if they all left now, what about these people? What about their hope for peace, their hope for something different?
Questions he didn't have answers to. Promises he couldn't make. A hard spot for a Canadian soldier to be in.
He picked up the letter and stared at the words, "Come back to me."

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

life in photos

Peter with his creation, "The distraught Grandmother." Granny has a pipe in her mouth, although it's hard to see.

Our table gourds.  Now a new tradition at my house. We decorate our gourds and then sit them in front of our plates. Mine is the second from the right "Opera Diva gourd" complete with gold earrings. Missie Moo's is the first one from the right. SuperGirl 's is the first one from the left. Izzy's are the two in the middle. A punk rocker and a nice girl. Hmmm...both descriptions could be said of our girl, Inez! Distraught grandmother was too distraught to come to this photo.

Seriously, this is my hair just before I went to a friend's for Turkey on Thanksgiving Sunday. Anyone who knows me well, knows that this is only another chapter in the saga known as "The Hair of My Life".Crazy, windy day.

I love hiking. So much to see.

Woke up early on Thanksgiving Sunday to watch the sunrise. Thank you God for morning!

Yes, that is snow on the ground. This weekend we hung out in Waterton with our cousin Darla. First day was kiaboshed since it snowed and no one had decent footwear except Darla. those girls from Montana...always thinking!Isn't it gorgeous here. This photo alone should convince you all to come visit me.

SuperGirl and her new buddy, Baby Pinkie Pie

A picture of Missie-Moo by our house.