Q-What did the chicken say to the apple?

A-Don't mix us together or we'll look like barf on a plate.

My crockpot and I have been bonding lately. Mainly due to the fact that my hubby cannot drive himself to and from work due to his injury. We pick him up from the office and bring him home. It's great having him home at 5 pm everyday, but it threw our dinner routine into a bit of a whirlwind.

When I would normally be getting dinner ready, I'm now bundling up my kiddo's and warming the van up. (Did I mention that it is -38 degrees Celsius here? The van needs warming!!!)

We don't mind this trip at all. It's quite fun for the lot of us. The only downside is that dinner was getting started later and I love to have dinner for my man when he gets home. It's great family time to reconnect.

My solution to this dilemma is my crock pot. Blessed thing. Throw things in there, let it cook all day, and presto-change-o you have dinner ready just when you pick up your husband from work.

But today, things went awry.

Dunh-dunh-dunh.

My girlie got sick. Puking sick. Mama-I-don't-feel-well-and-I think-I'm going-to-just-be-in-bed sick. A quick phone call to my man to let him know we won't be picking him up and could he please find a ride home. I'm not too worried the crock pot is working it's magic.

4:45 pm I put the rice in the rice cooker and things are cooking

5:00 pm Hubby comes home to much pomp ad celebration from the kids

5:06 pm I break an ornament we had spent all day making ( Sadness to the power of ten)

5:09 pm Vacuum is now forever in the on mode. Not sure why. Unplug and move on.

5:15 pm Dish up dinner. A new recipe (in my quest for trying out new things in a crock pot):

Chicken in Applesauce.

If you are saying, "Ewww, gross." Then your voice is rising with the clamor that came from my house this evening. In my defense, it sounded like a good idea at the time (The time may have been late at night).

Girlie isn't feeling any better. We help her puke in the toilet and then return to the kitchen and we look at the crock pot's offerings. The gloppy, bland, runny and neutral colored offerings.

Just a word to the wise...between friends and all.

Don't make applesauce chicken...because not only does it look like puke. It tastes like puke.

Because who doesn't want to hang out with a guy named Ned??

Friends, my woes over my cooking fiascoes are over.

The answer has come to me via a book. Blessed book.

I introduce to you my redemption:

Come on, friends. We all know that mastery of skill that Nancy had. She danced in the Ringmaster's secret, skied down the alps and easily molded pottery. She met every challenge. And whether or not you think the recipes are hers or that handy housekeeper of hers, the proof will be in my pudding and how well it's made.

It's that ojibway woman!

Last night I was chatting with my faithful blog reader (and a bridesmaid in my wedding) That Ojibway Woman on the telephone. I am a multi-tasking mama so I thought it only reasonable to make the icing for my daughter's birthday cake whilst on the phone.

Now, my last birthday cake for my eldest daughter was s.w.e.e.t. And I'm not saying 'sweet' in the way the young kids today say it either. I'm saying it as in in 'book a visit to the dentist's' sweet.

So, naturally, this cake has to be my redemption.

I told Tamatha about this on the phone and she lamented my cause and said if I only lived closer she'd come to my house and teach me all the things that she knows--baking and otherwise. I think this is good. I share with her how I am trying a new recipe that someone promised up and down that it is the most elegant and light icing concoction you will ever meet.

I follow directions. I almost have enough milk, but other than that I have all the ingredients necessary. Surge ahead.

Blend ingredients. Cream until fluffy.

(Quick interjection: My beaters are busted and I'm wood spoonin' it these days. Creaming things doesn't quite happen on Kitchen-Aid level of expert, if you follow me.)

Anyway, things progress and my conversation with Tamatha is suddenly interuppted with an "uh-oh!"

"What?"

"Tam, please tell that the most elegant icing concoction is supposed to taste salty."

"What?"

"Oh no."

"I wish you lived closer."

It's getting late. I say goodbye to Tam, and stick the icing in the fridge hoping that by morning some magic fairies will come and repair the damage.

No such luck.

Morning comes with a wave of sorrow over salty icing. I google "how to fix icing that's too salty". I end up with recipes about adding potato to soup or tabasco sauce, but be careful not to put too much or you'll be hooped when it comes to having a too hot stew.

I semi-contemplate giving the potato thing a try but reason I have only so much time and peeling potatoes doesn't fall into that category.

I google "too salty icing" and I learn that no one in Internet history has ever done this because there are no solutions posted. I go back to the soup posts praying that some inspiration will leap out at me. Nothing.

Oh no, wait. What's this? Oh cute. A little warning about paying attention when adding salt to a recipe and not to be distracted by talking, thinking or breathing. Thanks for that.

Then I google "how to make chocolate icing using cocoa powder" and I figure, "Chocolate could fix this couldn't it? Couldn't it?"

Over at the mixing bowl, things are getting interesting. I've added cocoa powder, removed some, almost added white sugar but thought better of it, and went with some powder sugar.

I have the kids test it.

"That's not bad. I would eat that."

Whatever. I throw it in the fridge and spy...dun...dun...dun "Whipping cream!"

My kids whip it up with those old fashion I-bet-Laura-Ingalls-used-these-kind of beaters.

I mentally go over if I'm trying to hard to make cake for my kids. I'm pretty sure I'm not. I'm after creating memories with them about their birthday, and one is decorating the cake together. It's hard to say...when it comes to food being prepped on a deadline, it's so easy to doubt every motive you ever thought was pure.

My daughter and I do decorate the cake. It's not the turtle that she wanted but it's green and we cover it in sprinkles in the shape of a teddy bear. She beams with delight as she is given her cake. She thanks me for her cake. Ah, memory making.

The day goes on until I am confronted with dinner. I open the fridge and spy the icing.

"I'm going to give you another chance," I say.

I taste it and it is the most elegant, the most supreme concoction of icing I have ever had the pleasure of eating...er, making!

Chocolate has once again saved the day. The need for the Ojibway woman has been delayed for the moment.

Although, I am baking muffins next week. The Good Food box arrived and I have loads of cantaloupe again! Oh, Ojibway woman!!!!

Oh, for the love of Monte Cristo Sandwiches!

Thanks for all those great comments from my last post!

After I read them, I re-read my post and realized that, in some ways, it sounded like a desperate cry for some blog-love for this diva.

I want to put your mind at ease. If I was desperate and wanted to shamelessly ask for blog-love, it would go something like this:

Nobody loves me

Everybody hates me

Think I'll go eat worms...

How I wish someone cared. I wonder if anyone reads my blog. I'm mean really...what's the point anymore...I might as well pull the plug on my imac and call 'er quits. Siggggggghhhhhh. Why doesn't anyone care?

Does anyone care?

Do you care????

Do you?

You should.

Naturally, I would never even contemplate such a selfish post. I've got better things to do. Like bonding with my library's copy of Rachael Ray's Express Lane Meals. I'm rockin' the love boat with these wafflewiches.

Doesn't everyone want one?

Don't you want one????

Don't you?

You should.

Crazy Cravings:Salsa Noodle Salad?

I love Salsa Ranch. President Choice Salsa Ranch. And lately, I've put it on everything. And the latest weird baby food craving, was shell noodles, with mixed greens slathered in Salsa Ranch. hey...don't knock it til you try it!

Ricotta cheese is the new yogurt! Yesterday morning I had to have ricotta cheese with mango, frozen grapes and pecans. It just made sense. And it was very yummy! (Gotta love my Pooh bear bowl)

Crazy Cravings:Laap

I have been craving Laap for a few days now. I love this Thai dish. It is my favourite and it is so delicious. It's one of those foods that is really hard to stop eating, so make lots of it!

This is usually eaten with a really neat sauce but I didn't have all the ingredients so I used straight lime juice and, oh, did it suffice!

You use the cabbage like a wrap and eat the meat and rice together. Romaine lettuce is a nice substitute and gives it a fresh, crisp taste. The cabbage balances it well. It's hard to decide which I like better.

As said earlier, this is highly addicting and you have to make a lot of it because you just eat it and eat it and...I'm hungry now and need to get another bowl of it.

*Note, I use ground beef instead of pork, and sweet chili sauce for chicken instead of fresh chilies. Gotta use what you have on hand!

I just ate a jar of dill pickles...

...all by myself. Followed that with Hawaiian pizza. Pregnancy is in full swing.

Thanks Lindyl for the pickles. The perfect tartness mixed with a delightful crunch.

So wanting some of Jamie Oliver's chocolate pots with Mars bars sauce!

It's the last day of my cleanse. For the past ten days I have drank only water and a concoction made out of maple syrup, cayenne pepper and lemon. Oh, and let's not forget the morning drink of water and sea salt to flush the toxins out.
Well, now that I am so close to done, all I can think about is food. I'm dreaming of:
quesadillas
cheese smothered pasta (any kind)
crostini's caked with cream cheese and pesto
Ritva crackers with avocado and cheese
my grandmother's blueberry pie
my mother's food-all of it
Lucy H's cabbage rolls
my spring rolls
My bro in law's meatballs
My grandfather's oatmeal
Well-done Pancakes from the Hoito
My sister's cheesecake
My sister in law, Angela's, chili
My oatmeal bake
sushi
lemon loaf
saucy chicken with parmesan reggiano
Heather's cookies
Lois' anything--the woman can cook
Someone feed me!!!!!
The sad truth is that my stomach has shrunk and now I have to slowly and painstakingly re-itnroduce food to my body.
In four days from now I will be living! I will be thriving! Because I will be eating!

(pics from Jamie Oliver's website)

Sharks have the ability to smell 40x more than me...

...although, after today I beg to differ.
I am on a cleanse. It's a ten day cleanse where you clean out your body of toxins.My friend warned me before I started. "Hols, the only downfall about the whole thing is how powerful your sense of smell becomes." No kidding.
My nostrils are hoover vacuums taking in the wonderful, mouthwatering aromas of food. Every smell is now keen and clear, fragrant and delicious. It's like falling in love all over again--suddenly the world is a brand new place.
Well, back to my lemon-maple syrup-cayenne pepper concoction.
Cheers!