And did I mention that I consumed a whole chocolate bar while this went on

Remember my post about how my husband is my North and without him I am a compass spinning out of control?

Well, let me tell you a little bit about what happens when my North goes away for the weekend and I spiral out of control. And I do mean S---P---I---R---A---L.

Jeep, my North, went away for the weekend. I said that already but let's lament that fact right now.

I don't do well without him.

Oh, I can survive and live and eat and all that. It's really just that I'm not so good at living without him.

Friday night I said, "Self, you are going to bed early tonight."

But when I got onto my bed, I looked at the lonely, empty spot that Jeep usually occupies...and I scooted over and settled on his side of the bed.

And then I saw my lonely side of the bed.

And I thought about how lonely it is to be in your bed without your husband. 

So I scooted to the middle and stared at the ceiling.

And then I called a friend and we talked for 30 minutes.

I hung up, committed to goto sleep.

But then my bed was very Jeep-less and so I called my sister-in-law  and we talked for 2 1/2 hours and to the point where I knew as soon as I hit "off" I would fall asleep.

Only that didn't happen. I laid awake missing my man.

It's hard to get to sleep without him.

It was past midnight when I fell asleep.

My son gets up at 6 am.

Last night, we housesat for a friend. 

I couldn't take the loneliness of the queen size bed and so I put my kids in it.

I took the couch. 

It only fits me so it works well and I don't have to miss who is supposed beside me.

So I visited with a friend until midnight and my eyes were blurry and I knew I would fall asleep the moment I flopped on the couch.

Only I stared at the ceiling.

So I turned on the tv.

Gilmore Girls was on. It was distracting...sorta.

It was an episode that I had watched with Jeep. We had both decided that even though Lorelai could deliver her lines super fast, man, she was selfish and we couldn't help but like her and want to slap her for being so self-absorbed.

So I missed Jeep.

And watched Superman for a while. What a cheesy movie.

Back to Gilmore Girls. But it was about Luke being loving and kind to Lorelai....the way Jeep is to me, even when I am very self-absorbed.

Then I stumbled on Jeep's and my favourite movie, About a Boy.

And I watched it. The whole time thinking that Jeep should be beside me and holding my hand or stroking my hair while we laughed at Hugh Grant's inner dialogue.

It was 4 am when it ended.

My son wakes at 6 am.

The couch was lumpy and I was certain I was going to have some sort of weird dream involving Clark Kent making snow for Lorelai Gilmore while Hugh Grant did a voiceover about all of it.

See?

I really do spin out of control without my North.

I am directionless.

Come home, baby.

He is my North...

and without him I am a compass spinning out of control.

10 Things My Husband Has Taught Me

PART ONE

1. Love is a choice. I remember when I first learned this from him. We had been dating a month, and some drama had happened with my family and myself. I was reluctant to talk to him about it because I thought that he would think I was being overdramatic (which I was) and then he'd realize that he was crazy for ever originally liking me and he'd dump me. He just looked at me with those amazing green eyes and said, "Allie, I love you. It's a choice I've made. No matter what you say or do, I am choosing to love you."

Isn't he swell? (He is a direct man--one month in and saying the L word!)

2. Love is never on the negotiating table. My guy is quite the leader and when we started the Dance of Marriage, he set the tone in a very great way. He said to me that whenever we fought, whenever we had disagreements, our love was never on the negotiating table. Our disagreements would not lead to 'you don't love me'. We're committed to each other and our love is never on the negotiating table. We love each other. Period. Learning to live with each other peacably...definitely on the board room agenda and up for discussion!

3. There is a right way that the toilet paper goes on the roll.

4. Honor is the most important thing. When we were dating, I remember on our first day of "being a couple", we talked about the physical aspect of our relationship. I shared that it was very important to me that we put boundaries and accountability in place for our relationship because I wanted to honor God and remain pure and save myself for my wedding night. I will NEVER forget what he said tome. Ladies, are you ready for this? He picked up my hand, looked me in the eyes, and said, "Allie, I plan on marrying you. ( I told you he was direct!) When I do, I will make a vow to honour you and to cherish you. The day I make that vow isn't the day that I start to honour and cherish you. I chose to do that before I met you and I have kept myself pure for my future wife. And I want you to know on our wedding day that when I say those vows, you will know me to be a man of honour because I have cherished and valued your purity while we have taken the road to our wedding day."

And then I think I swooned.

5. When swooning, it's helpful to land on a big, strong man. Just sayin'.

6. Cheese is a food group all it's own.

7. It's rude to interrupt people when they are talking. I am not known for good manners. I kinda checked out when my Mom and Grandma were telling me to eat with my mouth closed and not lick my fingers and don't slam the door. My husband is a patient man who has sometimes had to remind me about the finer points of etiquette. God bless him!

8. Adventure is necessary to life. My husband gets me to do the most ridiculous things. Sometimes, often times, they are small things that are embarrassing to me, but no one else. For some reason I get embarrassed to test drive a car we have no intention of purchasing--don't ask me why. But I've learned that everything can be an adventure when we do it together.

9. Being with a left-handed man makes you mindful of how you sit side by side at a restaurant. If you sit the wrong way, you bump elbows the whole time. If you sit the right way, you can hold hands and eat your food with the other hand.

10. It's all about perspective. My husband learned this from a friend of ours, but he really carries this off well. When having to buy feminine hygiene products he has no embarrassment about it. He went with his buddy to pick some "essentials" for me, and he told him, "You know what this means, don't ya? (holding a box of tampons) This means...I got me a woman! Yep. I GOT me a WOMAN!"

Trip Highlights

Since Happydoodler Holly begged so nicely...I'm back. I got back a while ago. But the day after I returned I felt compelled to move into our new house...and so I have finally plugged in my computer, caught up on youtube's version of So You Think You Can Dance and have downloaded some pictures of our trip.

A blurry pic of the City of Fountains-Kansas City, MO

Kansas at night in the Light and Power district

The only WW1 Memorial in all of USA

Downtown

Another fountain--at night this has a flame that burns on top

Best part of the trip: time alone with my man!

Airports

Nadine played this game on her Blog and I will join in as well. It's originally from Pinks and Blues Girl Blog.

I have to preface this with saying that since I was thirteen I had made a commitment to pray for my future husband and to not date until I was done high school. Two years after high school, there was no one in the picture (though I started to feel very old and the prospect of never getting married seemed like a legitimate reality-ah, youth). I was set to go to work with a ministry called Broken Walls, and I had to take a plane to get there.

The night before my trip, I wrote my sister a big long letter about how I was committing the next 5 years of my life to pursuing the call of God on my life and I didn't want or even need a relationship. I was going for Jesus 100%. I remember that I wrote in my journal that night: I am completely content with living and Loving Jesus Christ. I don't need a relationship right now. Meeting someone right now would just interrupt the dreams that I have living for God."

The next day, before I took the seat on the plane I heard God's voice ask, "Are you ready to meet your husband?"

Startled I sat in my seat and just looked out the window for 5 minutes. I turned the idea over in my mind. I had plans of being totally committed to God,missions, and media and had completely laid down any idea of marriage. Suddenly, I realized something. I realized that if God was bringing a husband to me at this time in life...then He knows what is best for me. I remember shrugging and saying, "OK. If this is Your plan, I'm in."

That's a long preface I realize...but to me, it's all part of the story

The First Time I Laid Eyes On My Man

I had just got off the airplane and went to claim my luggage. I heard my friend Erin's voice, but I looked up and saw this handsome guy walking towards me. I can still see him walking towards me. Instantly, I knew that he was the one God had told me about.

Were there fireworks? Nope.

Was it love at first sight? Nah.

The only way I can describe it is that my spirit recognized him as the man I had been praying for and been committed to for 7 years before we even met.

And it's funny, because he and I were at the same event talking with the same people four months earlier and we never met.

So, he picked me up at the airport...drove me to where I was staying. Hehe. I did take the back seat that was angled so I could watch him drive. I grew very fond of his hands and those amazing green eyes that kept checking the rear view mirror and every once in a while locked with mine.

And my journal entry the next day started with, "It is with great irony that I write this next sentence: So, I met this guy named Jeep...."

Cheeky husband breaks onto blog

(REUTER) In a surprising twist of events, Jeep (Allie's husband and fellow blog author) has admitted to tampering with her blog, hence the previous post of the ice cream question.
When interviewed Allie had this to say. "Frankly, I was quite shocked. I logged onto my blog and I suddenly saw words that weren't my own. It was very disturbing, actually. I may need therapy to recover...ice cream therapy, of course."
Jeep was unavailable for comment but sources revealed that when questioned about hacking into his wife's blog and posting on it that he blushed and responded with, "So?"
Further investigation revealed that Jeep did not hack onto the blog, but rather wrote on it after his wife failed to log out.
Moral of the story: You snooze, you lose...precious blog space.

What is your flavorite kind?

I like ice cream... Do you like ice cream? I like the Haagen-Dazs flavour: Carmel Cone Explosion! I also like Chapman's Strawberry Banana flavour. What is your favorite Ice cream flavour(s). Post your comment and let me know, okay.

Yours truly...

The ever delicate dance of the fish and the bird...

You know the Jewish proverb? The one that is quoted in the film, "Ever After" : A fish may love a bird, Senora, but where would they live?"
Sometimes, I feel like the fish. I love to swim around, do my thing, no schedule, no order...just free to be a fish. However, life...and in particular, married life requires a certain amount of routine and order for the practical day to day living.
This past week I was complaining to my husband about how I just didn't feel "on top of" a few certain things. His honest reply--and oh, how he is always so honest!--was simply,"it's because you have no system or routine in place for these things."
Grrr!He's right. I love to be spontaneous and go with the flow. But the truth of the matter is, I am best able to be spontaneous and go with the flow when I have an organized mind and an organized space.
For the past week, I've put everything on hold and just focused on re-organizing everything that has been a stumbling block for me. I've rooted out the things that were low priorities for me but I felt I needed to hang onto them because, well, insert a reason here. It's a vague one, at best.
The point is, now that I am "getting on top of things" so to speak, I do have systems in place. I am realizing that most of the things that set me off-kilter was just a collection of non-essential things trying to grab for my attention. But now everything is finding it's place again-in my head and my home.
And now I know where a bird and a fish would live.

Jeep

Miss my man today.
Loves, the wife

8 years ago today...

8 years ago today I met my husband for the first time.
I got off a plane and walked into the airport and saw this amazing man. Sigh. Those green eyes still get me every time.
8 years ago today my life was completely and forever changed for the better. I wonder what will happen today that will forever and completely change my life...hmmm...

Jeep green

Allie sat at the computer punching the keys of her computer keyboard. She knew instinctively that she was being watched. It was a presence behind her. She tried to remain calm and nonchalant as she pretended to continue working on her blog.
Without hesitation she turned quickly and looked over her left shoulder.
She caught him.
There sat Jeep, her handsome husband, gazing at her.
“I thought you were supposed to be getting ready to go to sleep? Don’t you have to get up at 4 am?”
He nods, but remains unhurried and continues to stare.
“What?”
He shrugs, barely. A small smile pulling at the left side of his mouth.
She looks away quickly and then back at him.
His mouth has now turned into a full smile.
“What?”
“I just love you. Just love watching you be you.”
She holds her breath the same way she did on the day he first held her hand. She thinks quietly to herself, “Does life get any better than this? Do I even realize how crazy blessed I am to have this man be with me every day of my life?”
A smile pulls at her lips. Could anyone know how she felt? Sure, God put two people together but more often than not, she found herself thinking that she had gotten the better part of the deal.
It’s worth it, she thought to herself. It’s worth it to love him recklessly and to trust him with my heart. It’s hard, it’s tough and some days I want to be mean and hurtful, but it’s worth it to choose love before pride, hope before hurt and grace before blame.
“Why are you smiling?” he asks.
“Because.”
He nods.
She turns back to the computer screen and smiles as she becomes aware that she is once again being watched.