Well, let me tell you a little bit about what happens when my North goes away for the weekend and I spiral out of control. And I do mean S---P---I---R---A---L.
Jeep, my North, went away for the weekend. I said that already but let's lament that fact right now.
I don't do well without him.
Oh, I can survive and live and eat and all that. It's really just that I'm not so good at living without him.
Friday night I said, "Self, you are going to bed early tonight."
But when I got onto my bed, I looked at the lonely, empty spot that Jeep usually occupies...and I scooted over and settled on his side of the bed.
And then I saw my lonely side of the bed.
And I thought about how lonely it is to be in your bed without your husband.
So I scooted to the middle and stared at the ceiling.
And then I called a friend and we talked for 30 minutes.
I hung up, committed to goto sleep.
But then my bed was very Jeep-less and so I called my sister-in-law and we talked for 2 1/2 hours and to the point where I knew as soon as I hit "off" I would fall asleep.
Only that didn't happen. I laid awake missing my man.
It's hard to get to sleep without him.
It was past midnight when I fell asleep.
My son gets up at 6 am.
Last night, we housesat for a friend.
I couldn't take the loneliness of the queen size bed and so I put my kids in it.
I took the couch.
It only fits me so it works well and I don't have to miss who is supposed beside me.
So I visited with a friend until midnight and my eyes were blurry and I knew I would fall asleep the moment I flopped on the couch.
Only I stared at the ceiling.
So I turned on the tv.
Gilmore Girls was on. It was distracting...sorta.
It was an episode that I had watched with Jeep. We had both decided that even though Lorelai could deliver her lines super fast, man, she was selfish and we couldn't help but like her and want to slap her for being so self-absorbed.
So I missed Jeep.
And watched Superman for a while. What a cheesy movie.
Back to Gilmore Girls. But it was about Luke being loving and kind to Lorelai....the way Jeep is to me, even when I am very self-absorbed.
Then I stumbled on Jeep's and my favourite movie, About a Boy.
And I watched it. The whole time thinking that Jeep should be beside me and holding my hand or stroking my hair while we laughed at Hugh Grant's inner dialogue.
It was 4 am when it ended.
My son wakes at 6 am.
The couch was lumpy and I was certain I was going to have some sort of weird dream involving Clark Kent making snow for Lorelai Gilmore while Hugh Grant did a voiceover about all of it.
I really do spin out of control without my North.
I am directionless.
Come home, baby.