I did not kill Bob the Tomato or Larry the Cucumber

This Not Me post is using the adjectives and similes my wonderful readers provided in the comments section of my last post. Quite a challenge, ladies! Let's do this again some time shall we? (Similes and adjectives are in bold)

Today has not been slow and methodical. I have not felt as though I'm travelling through the day like a raindrop on a window. Slowly tracing my way down transparent panes. I should feel that way tomorrow, when we get blustery rain.

I did not learn from my sista, (as in simply, fabulous, dear wonderful friend) that I have made a mistake with my gardening. I don't make mistakes, much less blog about them.

I did not plant my seeds in tiny pots and then bring them outside everyday for sunshine. I wouldn't do something so colorfully ridiculous.

There are rules about gardening, you know.

It's called 'hardening off'. And you do that well after your plants have sprouted. You would never do that during their initial stage of life...because that would kill them faster than a new-super-sized microwave on high heat. I don't know how to use a microwave therefore I am metaphorically uncapable of killing new plant life.

Because in gardening, I didn't just dive in and make a go of things hoping it'll turn out. That would be like a junior high girl going down a wet, slippery waterslide on a boiling hot day while wearing a bikini. No, I don't make a go of things hoping everything will be nice and neat and all in place at the end. That's not me.

I did not decide to just hurry up and plant seeds because I didn't want to pay for the starts at a nursery. I wouldn't be so delightfully delusion as to hope that I could just throw some seeds in a pot and save money! Not me. I am willing to pay full price. I am a pyrrhic gardener and will drop as much money as my garden needs.

Some would say it's a mischievous person who would blame the lack of space in their laundry room for the reason of moving their plants out each day. And I would say that those people might want to look up the definition of mischievous and realize that they are using it at the wrong place and the wrong time.

Mischief? In the garden? Not capable of it.