1. Print off a google map.
2. Find a friend to explain the map. The map means nothing unless someone can say, "Remember we went to the Starbucks at this spot."
3. Start the car and lock the doors. You are, after all, in the big city. And while you haven't heard of any carjackers jumping in the cars at a stop light...lately...you don't want to become a statistic.
4. Memorize in your head the "signs" to watch for. (You'll cross this street, you'll see this exit and then watch for the big green sign)
5. Imperative: TAKE 'THE GREEN SIGN' EXIT
6. Happy Ending
6a. If you have been foolish enough to think that there is a big green sign coming up that reads, "Take this one! This is the one you want. That's right, merge into the lane. Great job!" Then you are a fool. If this is the case, here's what you do.
7. Drive an immensely long way to the next exit. Caution: Pay attention that it's coming. Berating yourself at loud volumes causes you to lose focus.
8.Turn the old bus around and head back to your exit of choice.
9. Inhale deeply as you approach the exit. This time you won't be decieved. This green exit is INDEED the sign you are waiting for.
10. Merge! Success is yours.
11. Panic, meltdown, scream at the top of your lungs and freak out in the two seconds you have to decide which fork you take: North or South.
12. Expletives almost slip from your mouth as you realize that you have once again chosen your own adventure and taken the wrong direction yet again.
13.Repeat steps 7-10
14.Unless...when you take the exit you realize that you forgot to factor in that you were previously going east when you took the wrong exit and so you should take west. But you've taken east and you find yourself completely and utterly back at 6a.
15. Fight tears off.
16.Promise yourself you will never, never come to the BIG city again.
17. Unroll the window and yell at the highway, "You will not defeat me." Don't shake your fist, as other motorist take that personally.
18. Take calming breaths. And pray, pray,pray.
19. When approaching the exit obey the voice of Holy Spirit. Because when He's says go right, He's absolutely right. And even though you are fairly certain you are to go left, trust Him when He nudges and says go right.
20. Praise the name of Jesus! The Holy Spirit has once again got me where I needed to be and I've taken the right exit.
Hmmm...kinda like life,eh?