Sunday, April 15, 2007

If you were coming to my pity party...nevermind

I wanted so badly to have a pity party today. I did.

I went out for a walk to mope and to think thoughts of how my life was unfair and stalled and going nowhere. I wanted to chew on the idea that I am not reaching my potential, that no one understands me and that I need more things in life to make me happy.

Truly, I wanted to do this. I even started to.

But then I remember what I already know.

God is good, and His goodness is always working in my life. I can try and find fault with my life but the truth is my life belongs to Him. He is in control of it and He will move me wherever He wants to move, however He wants to do it.

I've been listening to Graham Cooke lately and on one of his teaching tapes he talks about a time the Lord spoke to Him and said, "Gray, it would be a real kindness to me if you didn't whine about your problems today. It would be a real kindness to me if you just left them with me and trusted them to my care." I thought about this as I watched the pavement underneath my feet and listened to the kids playing tag down the street.

In some parts of my brain, I think that I've become bored and I'm trying to complain about my life so that I have something to do. I mean, honestly, I live in North America--how hard can life really be. Even if it's the bottom of the barrel, I still live in one of the most comfortable nations in the world.

And then my spirit speaks "Hey, you know that if you start whining you will eventually reach the point where you surrender it to God and you will praise Him for His goodness. Why not skip the next emotionally-charged 20 minutes and go straight to the praising part? It's where you end up anyways."

And it's true. I do end up there. Because I don't have bad days and I don't have good days. I have days of grace. And some days there is grace to enjoy the day and other days there is grace to endure. But every day there is grace and it is sufficient.

I am choosing to be kind to God today and not whine. Not because I think He wouldn't listen or care...I know He would listen, and I know He cares. I just know that as I mature in Christ there comes a day when you put your grumbling aside and go straight to the praising God for His goodness. And for me, that day is today. A day filled with grace.


Tamatha said...

Wow Holly....deep thoughts...glad the party was cancelled..I couldn't afford the air fare anyways!lol At least...I assume I would have been I need to go have a pity party about being left out?lol

Anonymous said...

Wow what a great writing!! Definitely where I've been at lately too!!

Glad to be connected with you now!!