Dear Diary: Are you there God? It's me, Margaret

August 2005

Here is my heart

And all that I am

All of my problems-

they fit in Your hand.

Here are my dreams

And all that I am

All of my failures

They fit in Your hand

Here is my laughter

And the tears that I weep

All of my flesh--

thrown at Your feet

Here are the secrets

and the fears that I drown

All of my sins

created Your crown

Here is my voice

and all that I am

Humbly I bow

For my servant Lamb

I could be Scarlett, but I want Dorothy's ruby shoes

I live in Windy Alley.

To deny it, is like denying that my hair looks like I just got off a motorcycle ride and wore no helmet.

I wear a toque in June while I work on my garden. Every coat I buy has to have the type of lapels you can whip up and hide behind in case the wind comes up. Tumbleweed rolling down my road is normal.

This week we had 100 km/h winds (or 62 mph).

And I was outside.

I know, foolish girl.

But I felt I must go out.

It was important.

Vital, even.

Crucial.

Buying more toilet paper always is.

But it left me feeling much like a character in a novel. I found an archived picture of me that will help you pick which character I am most like.

1. Scarllett O'hara in Gone With the Wind

2. Dorothy from Wizard of Oz who is most notably 'not in Kansas anymore'.

3.Captain Hook meets Hair Spray (You can't stop the beat, people)

You think my past mustache woes would leave me alone for this photo? But, no siree!

JER5x2y1lb is code for "Help! I just want to leave a comment"

***If you are joining me from the Ultimate Blog Party, click here to read my intro***

This Ultimate Blog Party thing is fun.

I am getting new comments.

I am leaving new comments.

It's all going so swell.

Except for the slight fact that blogger, wordpress and others are holding a word verification text box and have now come up with cleverly long and ridiculous word verifications for leaving comments. ( I suspect they put this in place due to the blog party, but this could be a suspicion that is as unfounded as this one)

Top 5 Codes You May Have Encountered

1. The italic disguise, also known as ' sl4gthyx'

Yes, you recognize it here.

But in the word boxes, they don't look that way.

They look like this: rammalammadingdongshadowawawa

So that's what I type in.

And then I am rejected.

But I'm not easily taken out. I go onto the next code, which looks like this:

2. An actual word, also known as victor

There is the odd time where a word verification is an actual word.

Because I have noticed that although it is called 'word verification'--the stuff they dole out to us is not really a word. At least, not in my dictionary or in this one.

Most of the time, they look this:

3. A math equation having a bad hair day, also known as 5tha4ty1

I attempt to type that code in, but I am rejected.

Apparently they didn't want the code, they wanted the answer to this riddle. I forgot the rules of BEDMAS and was therefore given this next code:

4. The almost word, also known as leg5y

Whenever I see these types of word verification I think:

a. Somebody is actually coming up with each individual code and is a lousy speller

b. Somebody is actually coming up with each individual code and is really bored

c. How much would somebody get paid for actually coming up with each individual code?

And then finally, I am confronted with the age-old:

5.Capital Letters Trickster, also known as Jfr5KYlo

I am thrown into a conundrum.

Do I or don't I use capital letters?

What if I do and they reject it?

What if I don't and they reject it?

What if I get rejected...again...by a computer. By a word verification box, no less.

So, I do what any sane blogger who is anxious to get visitors to her blog does.

I type in 'rammalammadingdongshadowawawa'

...and it works!

I am accepted by the word (but not really a 'word') verification box.

I have (potentially) made a new friend.

It can only go up from here, my friends. Right?

Please comment, and when you do, please write your word verification in your comment box to help prove my point.

Flashback Friday: Dear Diary

Welcome to Flashback Friday.
Each Friday I write about something from my past. Sometimes it's meaningful, sometimes it's nonsense. But it all has purpose. Our past moments, however significant, have all been a part of the story of who we are...so why not tell it!
Join me each Friday as I announce a topic and then we write about it and look back to see how far we've come.

I have been spring cleaning and found my old journals.

A journal is like an old friend isn't it? It holds your dreams, your fears, your suspicions--real and imagined, and it helps you understand yourself in a whole new way.

I loved finding my aunt's old journal up in my Grandma's attic. But I was bitterly disappointed to see that the juicy bits were all taken out. Humph!

That is not the case in this attic, my friends.

This is a journal entry on which I commented on numerous times over the years adding a thought here and there.

April 24 1993

It takes a big person to forgive. I am NOT a big person.

Sigh.

Thank you God for helping me to forgive Greg. Only you can help me.

I love You always.

July 20 1994

What did Greg do?

Jan 26 1995

Who cares? I chose to forgive!

March 18 1995

Isn't it crazy how you can laugh at your immaturity. hahahaha!

Dec 31 1995

Looking back on that whole Greg thing--who cares, who really cares?

April 9 2009

Apparently I did. A lot.

How about you? Do you have a memory about your journals? A thought about your blog and how it has become a record of all that you've loved, lost and gained? Link up and tell us about it.

Not Even the Remote Could Have Helped Me This Time

I love my husband.

He is my brain sometimes. Because sometimes I don't make the connection between information and how to put it into practice.

Here's a great example:

My husband noticed that the automatic door lock remote on my key chain wasn't working. He took it to get the battery replaced and then reminded me to make sure I physically locked the doors while on errands.

Right. Got it. Check.

We did several running around errands and each time I fumbled for my keys to unlock the doors I wished I had my remote with me. It made life so simple. I never even gave this convenience a thought until it was gone from me. And now, as I struggled to get my kids to stand still while I unlocked the door, I wished I had been kinder to my remote. The least I could have done was breathed a sigh of thanks every once in a while.

My kids and I had gone on about four errands and arrived at our fifth, when my eldest said, "Mom, let us out! We're here at our friends." I unlocked the doors from the inside and my girls scrambled out while I asked them to shut the door behind them.

I went to the opposite door and got their brother, a bag of goodies for my friend and my bag-of-all-life-contents (diapers and wallet). My little guy must be carried as he doesn't understand the dangers of traffic so with all the bundles, and him in my arms, I manually lock the door. I check to see that I have the keys (I do) and then I shut the door.

I struggle up the walk to my friends home and barely make it to the door before the load I am holding gives way.

It's a lovely day to visit my friend. Her house is being reno'ed so we explore and oohed and ahhed and imagined what it will really look like. Her wonderful kids show me all their latest songs and dances and we make tea for our visit.

Twenty minutes has passed and we sip our tea, exchanging all that we are learning in our marriages and encouraging each other to grow in God's Word.

Then my friend looks out the window.

"Is that your car?"

"Yes. It is."

We both stand up looking out her front window. Our heads tilt to the side hoping that we can make sense of this situation.

For you see, one door...the door my girls went out and were supposed to shut...the door I couldn't see because of the bundles I was carrying...has been left wide open.

For twenty minutes.

TWENTY MINUTES!

I quickly run outside and see that nothing was taken.

It is then that I notice that,yes, I did lock the doors.

Which, as it turns out, is actually of no use unless you shut the door!

'Cause that's how we roll

On the day after Easter, we have a tradition that my eldest daughter started when she was four.

We grab our eggs and call them all Humpty Dumpty

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall

Humpty Dumpty had a great push....I mean, fall

all the kings horses and all the kings men

couldn't put Humpty together again

Happy Egg Smashing!

I Am Not a Jane Austen Addict

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

***Please read the following with an British accent***

I did not watch a romantic period movie while my husband was gone this weekend. I would not do that. A woman's duty is to watch well to the ways of her household and I would not let things go awry while the master of the house is gone.

I most certainly did not go on to youtube.com and find yet another Jane Austen film to watch. Actions of that kind show a weakness of character and a wavering constitution. I am the soul of discretion and act accordingly.

I would not clap my hands with giddy excitement as I would encounter yet another wonderful dance scene. Acting in such a way is quite childish and would reflect badly on my upbringing. I never bring dishonour on my mother's good name and her hard work, despite what others may say.

And I certainly would not stay up late at night to watch how things turn out, despite the fact that when I started I realized it was a four hour saga and knew it would take until dawn to finish. I am a wise young woman who knows that I have duties to perform in the morning and therefore would not be found staying up late regaling myself with stories involving matters of the heart. It is simply not to borne on one like myself.

And yet, while I may have, at one time, thought myself to be rather attached to the idea of watching the dance scene over again, I let that idea pass. It simply would not do to have me show such a feebleness of character as to indulge in something so ridiculous. I never do anything ridiculous.

I would never do something as ridiculous as to post the dance number, here and now, for the world to see in the hopes that you, too, would join me in my selfish indulgence. I would never do that. I have too high of a regard for you. I would never do anything to injure you.

Never!

Well....A thousand pardons, but I must share. (I hope this does not show a fickleness of character?)

Christ is Risen!

Christ is Risen Indeed!

Happy Easter Everyone!

What did you do with your family for Easter?

We celebrate Good Friday with a lavish breakfast and remember Christ's lavish love for us.

On Saturday night we go to the cross that we put up. For the last three weeks, we have had a huge painted cross on our wall. As the days go by, any sin, attitude or concern that comes up, we put it onto the cross. Then on Saturday night, we read each one out loud and commit them to him.

On Sunday morning, my kids woke up to see all their sins, worries and fears turned into hearts with the words "Forgiven", "It is Finished,", etc. written on the hearts. We are forgiven! It is finished!

Then they do an egg hunt for plastic easter eggs. When they open them, there are notes filled with blessings and scriptures and words about how unique they are.

And then we go looking for the basket...and we are blessed with all sorts of spring toys and joys. Bubbles fill the house, stickers are played with and bracelets are made.

Then we put on www.ihop.org and spend time in worship as we get ready for church.

We're ready to rejoice with friends and family that Christ is Risen!

Christ is risen indeed!

A Judas Kiss

A repost from the past.

I was thinking about Judas yesterday and about this post. I'll conclude at the bottom and share what I've learned.

**

Today I have been thinking a lot about Luke 6:30-31 "Give to everyone who asks, and if somebody takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
Sometimes I want revenge.

Sometimes I want to kick people in the head.

Sometimes I wish God had said that rather to be kind to someone who's hurt you (because it will be like heaping hot ashes on their head) sometimes I wish He gave me permission to actually put hot ashes on their head.

But I know His word and that's what I want to live by. It says to forgive.

I will forgive.

Will I trust them again? Probably not. Absolutely not. I'm choosing to forgive right now, even though I really want to hate and curse and swear and say the words, "You are dead to me."
Betrayal is a funny thing.
Sometimes betrayal comes out of nowhere. Jesus at least knew what was coming-He knew Judas would betray Him. And that's kind of baffling to me: because if I had a choice of whether knowing I was about to be betrayed or just have a betrayal happen by surprise, I'd choose neither. Jesus knew ahead of time that He would be betrayed by Judas and yet He still loved him, still had dinner with him, still had compassion on him.
Today I want to be like Jesus, because if I was left to myself-I'd hang my Judas.

Dear Jesus,
Help me to love those who hurt me. Help me to remember that the precious things that belong to me can never truly be stolen away. Help me to choose love. Help me to look them in the eyes again without hate.
I choose to forgive them and their selfish actions. Repair the damage they've done to my heart. Restore in me a right heart and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
I bless them Lord. I pray that You would prosper them and cause them to flourish with what was once mine. I pray that it would be a continual source of joy for them.
I trust You to redeem me. I trust You to be faithful to me. You are awesome God and there is no one like You. Thank You for loving me.
Amen.

**

Conclusion-two years later.

When this event happened, I was beyond angry. Seething, really.

But since I wrote this post and forgave them for their betrayal, I haven't thought about it much. A few times over the past two years but not a whole lot.

Yesterday, I was talking to my kids about Judas and how He betrayed Christ. I thought about Christ's immense love or us. Jesus knew from the start who would betray Him, and yet He still walked with Judas and loved him and invited him to be a part of His life.

To willingly welcome and love someone who would hurt you. To have that attitude right from the start of their relationship. An attitude that said, "You may hurt me, but it won't stop me from loving you."

Baffling.

Wondrous.

Radical

love.

Prayers for a Better Life: Garments of Praise

This mountain of clothes came to me slowly over time.

First, they arrived from a Greyhound bus from my older sister. She was passing down all the special clothes her girls wore.

Then my sister-in-law sent suitcases full of little girl clothes with family members. She was passing down all the special clothes her girls wore.

Surrounded by such abundant love, it was a year and a half before I had to purchase my first article of clothing for my daughter.

And the clothes kept arriving.

Because kids grow and they need special clothes that are filled with love.

These garments have been held close as I thanked the One who takes care of all my needs.

These garments have been washed and made clean reminding me of how God does that with my heart.

These garments have heard every prayer I've murmured over my babies, every supplication for their health, every whispered promise of trust for their future.

And today these garments were once again prayed over.

Garments of Praise, they are.

Garments filled with thankfulness for being so blessed and so loved. To have clothes and more importantly, to have someone to put into these clothes.

As I said "Amen," I wondered about the young mothers at the pregnancy crisis center who would be getting them.

Would there daughters take their first steps in the purple outfit or the soft pink jumper?

Would they gather their child in their arms and pause and give thanks that they had made the decision to keep their child?

Would these clothes once again become garments of praise for someone else?

I pray so.