plastered...to the window

If you drove down the street and saw a woman plastered to the window...a woman with a wild and desperate look in her eye...a woman whose face is pressed against the glass and her mouth is yelling, "Let me out! Let me out!" Don't worry, it was me.

Oh, I am fine. More than fine. The laundry is done, the house is cleaned, bills are paid, food is prepped. My kids are quietly colouring on the floor. Jeep is working his way through the taxes...and me, I'm bored. Boooo00OO00oooored. Let me out of my house!!!

What does a woman do when everything is caught up and she finds herself with free time?

Naturally, she goes to the grocery store.

Milkshakes

Milkshakes come from cows

And shoes are made of leather

Exhaustion comes from running

And blue skies from pink-night weather

Lemons come from green trees

Fall comes from yellow leaves

Frost comes from nights of full moons

So winter wears woolen sleeves

Spring hops into the air

Like a rush of morning song

That sends the cows a chewing

to make milkshakes all along

OK, what I've really been up to...

As you have seen--a major lack of posts...and for a good reason.
As I am pursuing intimacy with God, it has come to my attention that there are some issues that needed dealing with.

Here's a little gem for all my married friends. And for the single woman, tuck this one away for the days when you will need this. Because, you will need it.

I've gone through the list below, and repented. And guess what? I'm crazy in love with my husband more than ever. He is the best man on the planet. He is kind, caring, thoughtful, strong, a great leader and a man who makes me laugh. He is the most precious person to me on the face of the earth. And I am so thankful that he forgives me for all the ways I have treated him when I was bitter.

Disclaimer: Remember, if you get angry, annoyed or feel like leaving this blog, it just means that your flesh is responding to God's truth.

Here we go...

A chapter from the Excellent Wife by Martha Peace
Principle #3 Bitterness Hinders Love ( don't let the title deter you!)

Many of the wives I have counseled have told me they were not bitter, they were however "hurt". Gently, I explain to them that the emotions of feeling "hurt" or "resentful" are usually how you feel when you are bitter. There are several common signs of bitterness. As you read through the following list, ask yourself if you are manifesting any of these signs:

(OK, BUCKLE UP BECAUSE HERE IS WHERE GOD'S SWORD IS ABOUT TO DIVIDE BETWEEN SOUL AND SPIRIT- :)

Common Signs of Bitterness
1. Gossip and slander
In the process of complaining, the wife gossips about him and slanders her husband, thereby defiling others.She has either nothing or very little that is good to say about him.

See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled...
Hebrews 12:15-17

2.Ungrateful and Complaining
The wife is not grateful to her husband.She murmurs to herself and complains to others about him

Do all things without grumbling or disputing...Phil. 2:14

3.Judges Motives
Whatever he does is suspect in her eyes. Even if he does something nice, she thinks his motive must be off. For example, "He only did that to look good to his parents." "I know it seemed like a nice gesture, but he didn't really mean it."

Therefore do not go one passing judgment before the time, but wait until the Lord comes who will both bring to light the things hidden in the darkness and disclose the motives of men's hearts; and then each man's praise will come to him from God. 1 Corinthians 4:5

4.Self-Centered
The wife spends a lot of time thinking about herself. She is very self-absorbed. Her focus is fixed on herself and the hurts done against her.

...do not merely look out for your own personal interests...Phil. 2:4

5.Excessive Sorrow
Grief and hurt has crowded out any joy, peace or love that she used to have. It has, in fact, filled up her heart. It may, at times, overwhelm her.

But because I have said these things to you, sorrow has filled your heart. John 16:6

6. Vengeful
The wife looks for ways to avoid her husband. Perhaps she leaves when he is home, pouts or gives him the cold shoulder. she is paying him back for what he has done to her.

Never pay back evil for evil to anyone...Never take your own personal revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God... Romans 12:17,19

7. Brooding
The wife broods about what her husband has done. She thinks about it often and plays it over and over in her mind.

Love does not take into account a wrong suffered. 1 Cor. 13:5

8.Loss of Joy
Lately, the wife has little or no delight in her relationship with the Lord. Because of her sin, instead of God's peace and joy, she is experiencing intense emotional pain and misery.

And I shall delight in Thy commandments which I love. Psalm 119:47

9. A Critical, Judgmental Attitude
It is difficult for the wife to take her focus off what her husband has done wrong and foucs instead on what she is doing wrong.

You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye. Matt. 7:5


If your husband has hurt you, it will help if you take a moment and think about what percentage of the problems in your marriage are his responsibility and what are your fault. For example, suppose you believe that the problems in your marriage are 40% your fault and 60% his responsibility.

God wants you to begin biblcally dealing with your bitterness by taking 100% responsibility for your 40%.

My new name!

Find your new name...
1. Witness Protection Name (mother's and father's middle names): Elinor Alexander
2. NASCAR Name (first name of your mother's dad and father's dad): Martii John
3. Star Wars Name (first three letters of your last name, two of your first): Wil-ho (oh, that will generate laughs)
4. Detective Name (favorite color, favorite animal): Blue Bird
5. Soap Opera Name (middle name, city where you were born): Christine Thunder
6. Superhero Name (2nd favorite color, favorite drink, add "the" to the beginning): The Red Rooibos
7. Fly Girl/Guy Name (1st two letters of your first name, last two of your last): Homs
8. Gangsta Name (favorite ice cream flavor, favorite cookie): Mint Keno-Cookie
9. Rock Star Name (first pet's name, childhood street name): Muffy Kaministiquia

Where is my camera when I need it?!

My handsome husband, Jeep, has gone visiting his family and taken the camera with him. So, alas, I cannot capture the following images:

-Jeep brought home some paper grocery bags for inspiration for the girls. SuperGirl and Missie-Moo made hilarious faces on them and instinctively knew to place them over their head. SuperGirl drew arms on the side parts of the bag. Hilarious. Especially since the paper bags covers 2/3rds of Missie-Moo's body.

-Me wearing the Tigger toque--which is a pretend helmet. We were sitting on a stack giant letter puzzle when SuperGirl put the helmet on me. I said, "we aren't going to crash are we?" And she replied, "Well, we might. I sometimes fall asleep when I drive my scooter."

-SuperGirl drew a very Dr. Seuss-like drawing of Missie-Moo and a very accurate self-portrait of herself

-Our Little Man's "new" bed: a wide cardboard box and a pillow inside.

-Missie-Moo,recognizing the need for a helmet on a scooter ride with SuperGirl, tied a green rope around a small plastic tray/basket and fastened it to her head.

-if only I had a camera to catch a fun, fast-paced game of "Lego toss into the Paper Bag." Oh, the many uses of a paper bag!

My apologies to Charles Wilkins

Choose Your Own Adventure #3

In order to get my point across about how easy it is to write funny posts, I've spoofed the poem Pancakes by Charles Wilkins. Mr. Wilkins, I am sorry for any way this embarrasses your brilliance.

Writing Funny Redeemed Diva Style

There's a trick to writing funny

That everyone should know

The trick is this: Be Honest

Loosen up! Let go!

Hit 'em with a metaphor

Hit 'em with a rhyme

Go and repeat yourself

Half a dozen times

Til

your

post

is...

Filled with expectation

Higher than your house

Higher than your mortgage payments

Higher than a mouse?

Then dose it with reality

Pour it on strong

Let them see how obvious

It is that you are wrong

CORRECTION: My Christmas List

I want one of these...

to help me deal with my anger.

I'm going through a marriage course right now.

Naturally, I need one of these. There are some scriptures in the Bible that make me want to use this bag--not because the word of God is wrong. But because it is right.

That leaves only one person to be wrong and in sin: me.

I need this punching bag.

Thanksgiving: a good time for reflections and meltdowns...not necessarily in that order

It is one of those days.

You wake up groaning because you suddenly have a sinus cold and you are acutely aware of the fact that you stayed up much too late last night cooking food for today's big dinner and should have gone to sleep instead so that you had the physical wherewithal to fight off the cold you will battle all day

You drag your sore self out of bed, you rush around getting four people ready for church while your husband grabs a shower and gets himself ready. You grumble, you complain. You say to yourself, "Just once I would like the luxury of getting only myself ready and YOU can get the kids ready. Just once." Which you know is a complete lie. You would like that to be the case more than once.

Your kids are dressed, diaper changed, breakfast eaten, hair is done and you venture into your closet to find something to wear. And then you realize you have nothing to wear. You pull down the basket of seasonal clothing because it has snowed and you realize that you cannot get away with one more Sunday in summer capris. You rifle through your seasonal clothes and see everything that you've worn for the last two years. You realize that the last time you went shopping for clothes was in March...at a second hand store. Your mind floats to the images of the beautiful women at church. Women, who it would seem, have just stepped out of a catalogue. You try not to be envious as you think of a friend who has $70 high heel boots. You love this friend. And yet, all you can think of is, "Just once....just once, I'd like the luxury of being able to spend $70 on something other than groceries! Something on myself." Which is a lie, of course, because you really want it more than once.

So instead you take a deep breath, you try and tell yourself that your friend and her husband both work and have no kids. You have a different course that you are on. You are not willing to go into debt for clothes, you are living on a single income so that your kids can have you at home, you are being obedient to the things God wants you to do. But your heart betrays you and you find yourself still wanting those high-heeled hooker boots and a suede skirt, knit sweater and fitting accessories.

In frustration, you approach the mirror and realize that if you were any good with scissors you would chop off all your hair and give yourself a haircut that would somehow take away the dramatic reality of the dark bags under your eyes. You fiddle with your hair clip, and hairspray and swear to yourself that if paper bags placed over your head ever come into style you will champion their cause.

Checking the time you yell, with a voice far from meek, that in 10 minutes we're leaving whether anyone is in the car or not. You grab the vacuum and dramatically clean the carpets thinking, "Just once, just once, I would like it if I wasn't the only person who cared about how the house looked." Which, of course, is a lie because you'd like it to be more than once.

And as you miserably vacuum the floor--aware that you will have to wear running shoes with your outfit because you have no appropriate footwear (hooker boots included), that you look like you just came out of the laundry pile because you have had to get three children ready, that your hair is a possible example of a bad hair commercial--you ask yourself, "Why the bloody hell am I doing all this?"

And as you vacuum, you answer yourself, "Because it's Thanksgiving, and I want to celebrate it with my friends and family."

And then you stop. The vacuum hose falls to the floor as you cover your face and start to cry.

It's Thanksgiving. A day to be thankful. A day to count your blessings. A day to rejoice that your son isn't fighting in Afghanistan, that your husband has a job, that your children are healthy, that you have clothes to wear, a house to clean, a vacuum that works, food to have dinner with and friends and family to celebrate Thanksgiving with.

And you think to yourself, "Just once, just once, I'd like the luxury of not comparing myself, not complaining about my life, not focusing on myself."

And then you decide that that "once" is now. Today you will be thankful and be grateful to God for all His blessings. Today your whole heart will praise Him for His goodness and favour towards you. Today you will say "thank You".

And not just once.

True Story

When I was in kindergarten, I told my classmates that I rode a horse to school everyday.

I lived in the country, it was possible. But it wasn't true, of course. Obviously.

I just wanted to be cool like the girl with boundless energy, pretty hair clips, and the pudding pop snacks in her lunch pail.

I was questioned by her and her groupies as to why the horse wasn't standing outside waiting for me when it was time to go home.

I told them, with a straight face, "I just slap it on its bum and it knows the way home."

True story.

During show and tell a kid named Clinton stood up and bragged about the gift his Dad got him. I am from a family of four and cool gifts happened--just not as often as Clinton's did. My Dad was currently in Toronto and we were very excited about him flying home on a plane that night. So I stood up and took my turn with Show and Tell. I told the kids how my Dad was flying on a plane, and how he was in Toronto...and that he was bringing me a tricycle from Toronto.

I still remember the look on my teacher's face when I said that. It was one that was mixed with the arched eyebrow that questioned whether or not I was telling the truth or really believed it and hoped it would happen, crossed with the wide eyes of "how in the world would he fit that in his suitcase!"

True Story.

I sometimes sit by myself and laugh out loud when I'm alone. I'm thinking of what a tricycle would look like in my Dad's brown suitcase. And how a horse would determine which road to turn down in order to get to my place.

Blindsided!

It happened.

And it always seems to happen in the grocery store.

The grocery store is always an adventure when I take my kids. I could go by myself, but

1.there are so many teachable moments for my kids in a grocery store that I always take them along.

2. I have precious few hours with my husband in the evening and I like spending it with him rather than the melon man and the checkout girl

3. If I went by myself that would probably happen during my scheduled alone time during the week, and in my books, it doesn't count to have alone time when you are with the melon man and the checkout girl.

Our Little Man was blissfully sleeping in his car seat while we piled high our cart with all the trimmings for our upcoming Thanksgiving dinner this weekend. I was trying to be thorough and yet quick since I was aware that Our Little Man had been sleeping for quite awhile and that when he woke up he would start wailing for his food.

We had only encountered a few teachable moments (no, we don't lie on the floor at the supermarket, yes, you can have ONE box of Kraft Dinner,no, we don't pester the melon man with unwanted bird facts and you stay with Mommy and stop hiding in the aisle because you are freaking me out!)I headed for the checkout line thankful that I had made it this far without complete catastrophe.

And that's when it happened.

I had a rather large order. It's $200 Tuesday--you spend $200 and you get $25 dollar gift card. So, with Thanksgiving coming this weekend, my cart was full. And the checkout girl at the counter was in no particular hurry.

I live in a small town and so stopping and chatting with every patron is just part of the checkout girl's job--being thorough, taking her time...precious minutes slipping away only to equal up to the throaty yell of my newborn son!

He cries for his food, he wants his mother, he hates his car seat.

Pick a reason.

He's loud and he's awake. But I don't panic because I'm nearly ready to pay and the littany of endless chatter with the checkout girl and her conversation with the people next in line is almost at an end.

And then it really happened.

I was blindsided. I didn't see it coming because my back was to my baby and I was paying the cashier who had finally stopped talking and was taking my money.

I turned around and some woman in her forties had her hands all around my baby's face, stroking him, cooing him and telling him everything was going to be ok. Her face, mere inches from his, breathing her breath into his face.

My jaw was open. I stood shocked, and tried to find my voice to say, "Hey lady, get away from my baby."

And just as I find my voice, the lady sees that I'm finished at the counter and she steps up to pay and starts her conversation with the checkout girl once again.

I stand for a moment, wondering how I couldn't get the words out of my mouth. Praying that she didn't stick her finger in my son's mouth to keep him quiet as he has suddenly settled. I temporarily think about finding the melon man and asking for a large pumpkin to carry as arsenal to throw at anyone who attempts touching my child without asking.

And I leave the store feeling as though I had missed the opportunity to protect my child.

I leave completely blindsided.